While childbirth is indeed a miraculous process and a beautiful life-changing event, it can sometimes also be emotionally challenging and traumatic for some fathers. Studies have found that some fathers find themselves unprepared for potential complications during childbirth or how quickly a normal birth can turn into a life-threatening situation. Unexpected birth complications, including the need for a cesarean section, can lead to high levels of anxiety and stress.

Witnessing the birth of a child can be an exhilarating experience, but when things go wrong, it is normal for fathers to expect support, information, and inclusion from caregivers. Unfortunately, fathers’ concerns are not often recognized or addressed, leaving them with unanswered questions about what they experienced as a traumatic event (Elmir & Schmied, 2016).

A long and difficult birth that ends in a cesarean can make fathers feel helpless and alienated. A partner who witnessed complications or potential life-threatening events can experience post-traumatic stress in the postpartum period. (Schobinger, Stuijfzand, & Horsch, 2020).

Some fathers have expressed feelings of fear and helplessness as they witnessed complications unfold during childbirth. The experiences of fathers who found childbirth traumatic have been studied, shedding light on the emotional impact they can have (Etheridge & Slade, 2017).

Fathers can be witnesses to unexpected and potentially life-threatening events, such as maternal hemorrhage or umbilical cord prolapse. These experiences can be terrifying and can impact their sense of self and identity as the protectors of their families (Elmir & Schmied, 2021).

Not having access to information about unfolding complications during birth and being left out of decision-making can make fathers feel a lack of control over the events. This sense of loss of control can contribute to their experience of birth trauma (Daniels, Arden-Close, & Mayers, 2020).

“I spend a lot of my life being in control of stuff and looking after stuff and managing stuff … I was in a situation where I was, er, I felt like I was … totally out of control.” (Etheridge & Slade, 2017).

When complications arise, fathers may feel like spectators rather than participants in their child’s birth. They may also feel vulnerable, confused, and unable to provide support for their partner. They may feel neglected or abandoned by the maternity care staff (Elmir & Schmied, 2021).

It’s important to acknowledge and address these emotions as they can have a lasting impact. Flashbacks and anxiety related to childbirth can persist, affecting fathers’ daily lives (Daniels, Arden-Close, & Mayers, 2020).

Coping after experiencing a traumatic birth can be challenging for fathers. Many recognize the need for support and guidance but may be hesitant to seek help. Some may even downplay their own traumatic experience in comparison to what their partner may have endured during birth. Fathers often feel the pressure to be strong for their families and may suppress their emotions (Etheridge & Slade, 2017).

“I felt guilt … that I was feeling traumatized when, you know, obviously I hadn’t really gone through anything.”

Online support groups for fathers such as the Australasian Birth Trauma Association and Postpartum Support International provide helpful resources and online group support for fathers who have experienced the traumatic birth of their child.

If you, as a father, have experienced a traumatic birth, it is essential to give yourself time and the opportunity to make sense of the events you witnessed. Healing from such an experience involves regaining power and control, gaining knowledge, developing trust in your partner’s caregivers, and becoming confident in your ability to cope during another labor and birth (Elmir & Schmied, 2021).

If your partner is considering a vaginal birth after a cesarean (VBAC), it is essential to communicate openly about your feelings and concerns. Some fathers may be ready to provide support for a VBAC, while others may prefer the predictability of a repeat cesarean. Talking with your partner and her caregivers about your emotions and fears can help both of you feel supported and confident in your decisions (Etheridge & Slade, 2017).

To fully support your partner’s wish to plan a VBAC, consider the following suggestions:

1. Take the time you need to recognize and grieve any loss or trauma from the previous birth.
2. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of a VBAC openly with your partner.
3. Seek support and information during prenatal appointments, by attending a childbirth class, participating in a VBAC support group, or hiring a doula.
4. Try to understand your partner’s perspective and feelings about wanting to plan a VBAC.

Remember, it’s okay to seek professional support and guidance for both you and your partner during this process. By working together, you may surprisingly find a team of birth professionals who will support you both to have the birth you desire.

By addressing your emotions and fears, you can confidently support your partner’s wish to have a positive and empowering birth experience.

To find out more about fathers’ experiences of traumatic birth and ways to prepare for a positive and healthy future birth download the slide-set, Module 9, A Cesarean Can Be Traumatic for Both Parents: A VBAC Can Be a Healing Experience, from www.vbac.com. It’s free. Full references are also found in Module 9.

This article is based on research that included male subjects who identified as fathers.